Have you ever tried to get rid of an unpleasant feeling? Maybe you buried your anxiety by distracting yourself, or scrolled through your phone to escape sadness. Perhaps you told yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way” – only to feel worse. Most of us try to control or avoid uncomfortable emotions and thoughts in one way or another. But how well do those strategies really work in the long run?
What if mental well-being isn’t about getting rid of pain, but learning how to live well with it?
That’s the radical, research-backed message of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – a modern therapeutic approach that helps people move toward what truly matters, even when life is difficult.
In this article, we’ll introduce ACT, how it works, why its core skill – psychological flexibility – is essential for mental well-being, and how its six core processes can help you begin applying ACT to everyday life.
What is ACT?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT, pronounced as the word “act”) was developed by psychologist Steven Hayes and his colleagues in the 1980s, which formed part of the “third wave” of behavioural therapies. Instead of focusing on eliminating distress, ACT supports people in changing their relationship with their thoughts and feelings, allowing them to move towards a richer, more meaningful life.
The goal isn’t to “fix” how or what you feel. It’s to build psychological flexibility: the ability to stay present with your thoughts and feelings, even when they’re difficult, and still choose actions that move you toward what truly matters to you. It means being able to adapt when life changes, or keep going when things get tough.
What Makes ACT Special?
ACT stands out because it challenges many of the assumptions we’ve absorbed about mental well-being – and offers a powerful alternative.
A different view of what’s “normal”
While traditional approaches often assume that psychological suffering means something is “wrong”, ACT takes a different stance. It recognises that difficult thoughts and feelings are a natural part of being human, not a sign of defect. ACT calls this “destructive normality”: the idea that the very abilities that make our minds so powerful – like remembering, imagining, and using language – can also trip us up. For example, we can get stuck replaying painful memories, worrying about the future, or harshly judging ourselves. In this way, the normal workings of the mind can create suffering for all of us at times.
The Illusion of Control
Western culture teaches us that control works: if something feels bad, fix it. That logic works well in the external world – if your fridge is empty, you buy food. But when applied to inner experience, it often backfires. Trying to control emotions through avoidance or suppression may bring short-term relief – but over time it creates suffering (what ACT calls dirty discomfort).
This “control agenda” is reinforced by social norms – we’re often praised for staying calm, appearing unfazed, or “moving on.” It’s further amplified by constant comparisons with others who seem to have it all together, especially in the age of social media. ACT invites us to question this agenda. Instead of trying to control or suppress what we feel, it teaches us to change how we relate to those feelings.
From Fixing Symptoms to Living with Purpose
In the evolution of behavioural therapies, first-wave approaches focused on changing observable behaviour, while second-wave therapies, like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), emphasised identifying and modifying unhelpful thoughts. ACT, part of the third wave, takes a different path. Rather than trying to eliminate unwanted thoughts or emotions, it helps us change how we relate to them – treating them as harmless, passing experiences rather than threats. Symptom reduction may occur along the way, but in ACT, it’s considered a welcome side effect, not the primary goal.
Value-Driven and Practical
ACT is deeply pragmatic. Instead of endlessly analysing problems, it helps people take meaningful action based on what matters to them. It’s not about waiting until you feel “better” to live well – it’s about learning to show up, right now, for the life you want.
The Heart of ACT: Psychological Flexibility
Psychological flexibility is the core skill ACT develops. It means being able to:
- Be present in the here and now
- Open up to thoughts and feelings – even the painful ones
- Do what matters to you, guided by your values
It’s the skill that allows someone to feel fear and still take a meaningful step forward. To grieve a loss and still stay connected. To feel anxious and still speak up for what they believe in.
Why Psychological Flexibility Matters
Many people feel their well-being is compromised by forces they can’t control – persistent thoughts, difficult emotions, painful memories, or the pressure to live up to expectations. It can feel like being pulled by invisible strings, reacting automatically rather than choosing how to respond freely.
To cope, people often try to cut these strings – through avoidance, numbing, or distraction. While these strategies may bring short-term relief, they often backfire, leading to greater disconnection and distress in the long term.
ACT takes a different approach. Instead of fighting these inner experiences, it helps us loosen their grip. With psychological flexibility, we don’t have to wait until we feel better to live better– we learn to move with discomfort, not against it, and take action guided by what truly matters.
The Six Core Processes of ACT
The six core processes of ACT work together to build psychological flexibility. Think of them as skills – not quick fixes, but tools for living more meaningfully. Each process is closely connected to the others, and you may notice some overlap as you explore them. With the small examples, metaphors and exercises below, we’ll try to bring each process a bit closer to you.
1. Acceptance
ACT encourages us to stop fighting our inner experiences and start making space for them. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking anxiety or sadness – it means being actively willing to sit with discomfort, allowing it to be there without struggling against it.
Trying not to feel anxious often makes us more anxious. Acceptance interrupts this loop and allows us to move forward with discomfort in tow.
Try this: Don’t think about a pink elephant.
Did it work? Or did trying to suppress the thought actually make it pop up even more? This simple exercise shows a key idea in ACT: the more we struggle to control our thoughts, the more power they often gain. A common metaphor for this is quicksand: the more you struggle and fight against it, the deeper you sink. But if you stop resisting, you create the conditions to move forward.
2. Cognitive Defusion
Defusion is the skill of recognising thoughts for what they truly are: just thoughts – not facts, threats, or commands. Instead of taking them at face value – like believing “I’m a failure” – we can learn to step back and observe them from a distance.
Because of how language works, our minds naturally link thoughts, emotions, and meanings. This can lead to cognitive fusion – when we get so entangled with a thought that it feels unquestionably true. While this isn’t always harmful, it can easily trap us, limiting how we see ourselves and the world around us.
A helpful illustration is the cinema metaphor: when we’re caught up in cognitive fusion, it’s like being completely absorbed in a movie. We lose ourselves in the story, reacting as if it were real – even though we’re just watching images on a screen. In the same way, fused thoughts can feel real and immediate, even if they’re not accurate or helpful.
Try this: When you notice a negative thought, add a phrase like “I’m having the thought that…” in front of it. For example, change “I am a failure” to “I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.” Say this to yourself and notice how it feels. That small shift can create the mental space you need to see the thought simply as a thought – not as reality.
3. Contact with the Present Moment
Instead of getting stuck replaying the past or worrying about what might happen in the future, ACT encourages us to practice mindfulness – bringing gentle, curious attention to the here and now. By tuning into the present moment, we break free from autopilot and reconnect with what truly matters, right as it’s happening.
Fun fact: the past only exists as a memory in the here-and-now, and the future only as a projection. Neither is ever really happening; only the present moment is.
Try this: When you catch your mind drifting off – perhaps imagining a future conversation with a friend while you’re washing the dishes – pause and simply notice the thought without judgment. Don’t get frustrated that your mind wandered. Then, gently bring your attention back to the task at hand: feel the warmth of the water running over your hands, notice how it flows through your fingers, observe the texture of the bowl you’re cleaning, and breathe in the scent of the soap.
💡 New to mindfulness? Discover what it’s all about in: What is Mindfulness? or give it a try yourself with: Mindfulness for Easing Your Worries.
💡 Not a fan of mindfulness? Explore a different perspective in our article Mindfulness for People Who Don’t Like Mindfulness.
4. The Observing Self (Self-as-Context)
The Observing Self is the part of you that is always present – an unchanging, steady awareness that notices your thoughts, feelings, memories, and sensations without being swept away by them. From this perspective, you can see that these experiences come and go, but they are not who you truly are.
In contrast, the Experiential Self is the ongoing flow of sensations and feelings you experience moment to moment, and the Conceptualised Self is the story or label you tell yourself about who you are, like “I’m anxious” or “I’m not good enough.” While the conceptualised self can feel real and fixed, the Observing Self remains a stable, non-judgmental witness – allowing you to hold your identity lightly and respond with more freedom.
A helpful metaphor is that of the sky and the weather. The sky is constant and expansive; the weather changes – sometimes calm, sometimes stormy. Your inner experiences are like the weather, always shifting. The Observing Self is the sky – open, steady and unaffected.
Try this: Notice that two things are happening at once:
💭 You are thinking.
👀 You are noticing that you are thinking.
Take a moment and observe your thoughts as they come and go – almost like watching traffic from the side of the road. Can you notice the difference between the content of your mind (your thoughts) and the part of you that is observing them? From this observer perspective, no thought is dangerous, threatening, or in control. Thoughts are simply passing events in the mind, and you are the one noticing them.
5. Values
ACT emphasises values – deeply held directions that reflect what truly matters to you – over specific goals. Values like being a caring partner or living with integrity guide your actions and bring meaning to life. Unlike goals, which have clear endpoints, values are ongoing and can be expressed in every moment. Clarifying your values provides a steady compass, helping you move forward with purpose even when circumstances are challenging or uncertain.
Try this: Take a moment to think about what matters most to you in life – qualities you want to embody or ways you want to show up (like kindness, honesty, or connection). Write down 2 or 3 of these values and take time to reflect on each one.
Discover your values
6. Committed Action
ACT isn’t just about awareness – it’s about taking action. Committed action means choosing to live by your values, even when it’s uncomfortable or imperfect. It’s about showing up again and again, moving forward despite difficult thoughts or feelings.
This involves picking a meaningful value, setting related goals, planning actions, noticing barriers, and using ACT skills like acceptance and mindfulness to keep going.
Try this: From the values you identified earlier, notice one small action you can take today that reflects one of these values. Even a tiny step helps you move toward the life that matters.
Please be aware that practising ACT takes time, patience, and often guidance, since many exercises are most effective when led by an experienced ACT practitioner.
Want to explore ACT in action?
Remember: Pain is part of life – but suffering doesn’t have to dominate it. ACT teaches us to open up to experience, stay grounded in the present, and take steps toward what matters most. Because the goal isn’t to feel better all the time – it’s to live better, no matter what you’re feeling.
