Conflict isnāt enjoyable for most people, but itās often essential. It pushes us to think differently, improve our approach, and see situations from new perspectives. Rather than something to avoid, conflict can be a powerful tool for understanding others and gaining deeper insight into our values. Just like in any relationship, disagreements are inevitable in the workplace, whether with colleagues or managers. The key isnāt to eliminate conflict but to navigate it effectively.
Psychologist Paul Hessels shares expert strategies for resolving workplace conflicts professionally and constructively.
Why avoiding conflict isn’t the solution
Avoiding conflict usually leads to larger confrontations down the road, according to an article by PsychCentral. “This article is actually about romantic relationships, but the same applies to our work relationships,” explains Paul.
“The friction that arises when you disagree with someone helps you to understand each other better and to come up with better ideas together. Also, remind yourself that conflict is a subjective experience; it’s your perception of what happened.”Ā
Talking about different viewpoints, ideals, and opinions improves both the relationships and communication, amongst yourselves and within a team. The bottom line is that there’s nothing wrong with occasional conflict and differing opinions, even in the workplace.Ā
The first step is to shift your perspective. Conflict can open the door to new approaches, deeper understanding, and ultimately, stronger collaboration. Embracing this mindset will improve teamwork and cooperation in the long run.
What causes conflict at work?
Workplace conflict is a natural part of any professional environment. With so many personalities, perspectives, and priorities at play, disagreements are bound to happen. According to research by The Myers-Briggs Company, almost 40% of employees have to deal with conflict regularly. Paul explains:
”We must teach people how to manage conflict constructively ā maybe even to embrace it. Conflict is always going to arise. There are so many people and so many different opinions. The best way to tackle this is to learn how to talk through conflict.”
The main reason that disagreements with colleagues or managers arise is poor communication. The same research by Myers-Briggs demonstrates this. Harvard Business Review adds a further three triggers: lack of transparency about performance requirements, unreasonable time expectations, and unclear task and role expectations.
But I don’t like conflict. What can I do?
There aren’t that many people who consciously learn how to properly resolve conflict ā whether itās a minor confrontation or a big fight. Thatās the reason we prefer to avoid it.
If you avoid conflict because you’re afraid of hurting another person’s feelings, we call this conflict-avoidant behaviour. This often stems from a fundamental fear of not being seen as nice and likeable. That’s only natural ā we’re social creatures after all ā but it’s not always helpful.
Possible behaviours include that you’re afraid to express yourself, you’d rather deny that there is conflict, you make jokes during confrontations, you prefer to keep your thoughts to yourself if you disagree with somebody, and you want other people to like you.
You do all of this to keep the peace, but ultimately, it means that you aren’t being kind to yourself. If you avoid conflict, you don’t resolve any actual issues, and you end up suppressing your emotions. According to research, this can have an effect on your physical and mental health.
Paul explains: “In the short term, you get something out of avoiding conflict; you don’t have to deal with unpleasant feelings for a while. In the long term, the conflict continues to simmer beneath the surface. Eventually, the pain of avoiding it becomes greater than the pain of conflict.”
š” This article by PsychCentral looks at conflict-avoidant behaviour and what you can do instead of it.
Dealing with workplace conflict: 6 tips
The key to navigating conflict constructively? Shift your perspective and embrace it as a chance for growth. The following steps will help you approach conflict with confidence and clarity.
š Choose the right time and place
Bringing up a conflict casually at the coffee machine might seem like a low-pressure approach, but that’s often not the best option. You don’t want to have to cut the conversation short because the other person needs to rush off to a meeting. Make sure you’ve chosen a place and time where you can express yourself freely.
š¬ Focus on actions, not personal characteristics
When discussing a conflict, keep the focus on actions and specific events rather than making it about the other personās character. Instead of blaming or pointing fingers, express how the situation affected you.
Use āIā statements to communicate your perspective, such as:
āI felt overlooked when my input wasnāt considered in the meeting,ā rather than āYou never listen to me.ā By framing the conversation around actions and their impact, you create space for understanding and resolution without escalating tensions.
šActively listen
Listen to understand the other person better. Ask questions. Try not to interrupt the other person and make sure you understand where they’re coming from. It might help if each agrees that you’ll both tell your side of the story without interrupting one another. This forces you to really listen, instead of getting defensive.
š± Try to find common ground
Clarify where you agree and where you donāt. Summarise what youāve heard and check that youāre on the same page. Acknowledging shared views creates a more cooperative atmosphere, making it easier to tackle differences. When disagreements remain, focus on finding a fair middle ground rather than proving a point. Compromise doesnāt mean giving in; it means working together to reach a solution that respects both perspectives.
āÆļø Work towards a solution together
Talk about how you want to move forward and what needs to be resolved first. Identify the most pressing issue and agree on how to tackle it. A clear, mutual plan helps prevent further misunderstandings and keeps the focus on progress rather than past frustrations.
š¬ Keep communication open
Now that you’ve discussed the conflict, you’ll want to maintain good communication. Make an effort to stay open and approachable, offering genuine compliments when appropriate and acknowledging progress. Regular check-ins can help strengthen understanding and prevent future misunderstandings.
