Did you know that worldwide, men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, and they’re far less likely to seek help when struggling? Despite these alarming statistics, men’s mental well-being often goes overlooked, leaving many to suffer in silence. That’s where initiatives like Movember come in. Movember is part of a global campaign to raise awareness for men’s well-being, both physical and mental. To truly support the men in our lives, we need to start empathetic conversations and create safe spaces where they can open up about their feelings. But what’s the best way to do that?
We’ve teamed up with OpenUp psychologist and men’s mental well-being expert Niels den Daas to explore why men often struggle to talk about their feelings, and what this can lead to. We’ll also explore ways to open up conversations with men using the ALEC model, a straightforward framework capable of breaking the silence.
Exploring men’s mental struggles
The most prevalent mental challenges among men today include depression, anxiety, substance use disorders, and suicide. While these issues affect the entire population, for men they are often exacerbated by the fact that they frequently don’t talk about their struggles. Niels explains, “While women may be more likely to express feelings of sadness or seek support, men often externalise their emotional distress through anger, irritability, or risk-taking behaviours. Unfortunately, due to the stigma around emotional vulnerability, many men struggle in silence, often only seeking help once their mental health has deteriorated significantly.”
If we dive deeper into the statistics, we find that men are less likely to access therapy than women – only 36% of NHS talking therapy referrals are for men. But why is that exactly?
Why men struggle to talk about their feelings
“Men are traditionally reluctant to discuss their emotions due to deep-rooted societal norms that equate masculinity with stoicism, strength, and emotional restraint,” Niels elaborates. “From a young age, boys are often told to ‘man up’ or ‘tough it out,’ messages that persist into adulthood.” This social conditioning often leads to bottling up mental well-being challenges, further isolating men and preventing them from seeking the help they need. Moreover, without the practice of expressing emotions, men may feel even more reluctant to open up, creating a vicious cycle. Finally, Niels’ experience also shows that men often don’t know how to discuss their feelings: ‘Many men are not only not accustomed to talking about their feelings, but also don’t have the vocabulary for that.’ Of course, this does not apply to every man, many are capable and willing to talk about their well-being. However, as we see from our psychologists and experience and the statistics, in general men often struggle to seek help and open up.
So, how can you help break the stigma and offer support to open up?
The ALEC Model: A Simple Way to Start the Conversation
Talking about mental well-being can feel daunting, especially for men who feel like they have to keep their emotions to themselves. That’s where the ALEC model comes in. This straightforward, four-step approach helps open conversations and break the silence. As Niels notes, “The ALEC model helps create an environment where men feel heard and understood without pressure to immediately ‘fix’ things, which is crucial in fostering emotional openness.”
A – Ask
Check-in with the men in your life by asking how they’re really doing. It’s important to approach this without judgment or expectation. Instead of a generic “How are you?” try something more open-ended and personal, like “You don’t seem like yourself lately—how’s everything going?” The goal is to create a space where they feel safe to share, and show you genuinely care.
L – Listen
Once they start talking, the best thing you can do is listen. Don’t interrupt or rush to offer solutions. Just listen. Often, people just need to feel heard and understood. It’s about being present and showing that you’re there for them without trying to fix things right away. Listening alone can provide a huge sense of relief.
E – Encourage Action
After listening, it’s crucial to encourage action. This doesn’t mean pushing for big changes or immediate solutions. Instead, you can suggest small, positive steps—whether it’s talking to a professional, confiding in another friend, or even engaging in physical activity like going for a walk.
C – Check In
The conversation shouldn’t end after one talk. Following up shows that you care and that their mental well-being matters to you. It can be as simple as asking how they’re doing a few days later or checking in after a difficult week. These follow-ups reinforce that they’re not alone in dealing with their struggles.
Keeping the conversation going
Men’s mental well-being is often overlooked, and the consequences are serious. Opening a dialogue with the men around us is a small but powerful step toward changing this. The ALEC model provides an invaluable tool for creating meaningful conversations that can have a lasting impact. Do you have someone close to you struggling? Or are you struggling yourself? Starting a conversation could make all the difference.
For those who need more personal guidance, OpenUp is here to help. You can schedule a 1:1 session with our psychologist Niels den Daas or explore our expert team for a full overview of our psychologists and lifestyle experts. You don’t have to do it alone—there’s always someone ready to listen.
